LIFE AS ZELLA

Kesän mittaan kaipasin kovasti ukonilmoja; muistelin kaiholla lapsuuteni kesiä Tervolassa - vanhempani olivat heinäniityllä ja me serkukset mummoni (tai ämmini, kuten häntä kutsuttiin) kanssa kotona eli pirtillä. Muistikuvissani miltei jokainen hellepäivä päättyi ukkoseen, ja ämmi jakoi meitä serkuksia eri huoneisiin ettemme "keräisi sähköä" - en tiedä oliko tuossa ajatuksessa totuuden hippustakaan mukana, mutta ämmin mukaan salama iskisi kuulemma helpommin isoon joukkoon ihmisiä samassa huoneessa, ja siis tällaista tilannetta välttääkseen hän pisti meidät eri huoneisiin. Siinäpä sitten kyyhötit yksinäsi isossa makuukammarissa salamoiden välähdellessä ja ukkosen kumistessa.

Tänä kesänä ei täällä eteläisen Suomen rannikkoalueilla ukkosia näkynyt - mutta tilanne muuttui sään viilettyä aivan dramaattisesti: kuluneen viikon ja viime viikonkin aikana on lähes joka päivä monta ukkosrintamaa päällä ! Tässä rannan tuntumassa kun asuu, niin mereltä nousee muutaman tunnin välein ukkosia jotka vauhdilla siirtyvät ohi kohti sisämaata...ja minä irrottelen töpseleitä ja mietin uskallanko olla koneella..uskallanko pitää ikkunoita ja parvekkeen ovea auki... (en !). Minulla on viha-rakkaus -suhde ukkoseen; toisaalta nautin suunnattomasti kaikenlaisista luonnon sääilmiöistä jotka tavallaan muistuttavat siitä, kuinka pieni ihminen onkaan tässä maailmassa ! Toisaalta salamointi pelottaakin kauneudessaan; tänäkin kesänä on muutama ihminen Suomessa kuollut salamaniskuun. Itse olin kuluneella viikolla juoksulenkillä, kun päälle sattui aivan jumalaton kaatosade - rakastan juosta tihkusateessa, mutta kaatosade on vähän eri juttu - minulla oli kuulokkeet korvilla enkä näin ollen olisi ukkosta kuullutkaan, mutta päätin tuudittautua siihen uskoon, että kyseessä oli vain sade, ei ukkonen...ja juoksin lenkkini loppuun piittaamatta läpimäristä vaatteista ja kengistä - ah !

Näiden sade- ja ukkosmyrskyjen jälkeen taivaalle ilmestyy usein mitä upeampia sateenkaaria. Toivoisin että minulla olisi parempi kamera, lähtisin aivan varmasti vartavasten ulos kuvaamaan näitä luonnon kauneimpia ilmestyksiä saadakseni hyviä kuvia. Seitsemän vuotta vanha pikkuruinen digikamerani ei mitenkään pysty kopioimaan sateenkaarta siten kuin sen silmä näkee tummaa taivasta vasten...mutta pienellä tuunauksella pääsee vähän lähemmäs sitä oikeaa väriloistoa, jonka sateenkaari luo ympärilleen myrskyn jälkeen.




We had next to zero thunderstorms in my area during the summer, but that has changed dramatically now that the temperatures have gone down. I swear it's been thundering every single day for the past week (if not two weeks) and sometimes multiple times a day. As I live by the sea, on an island actually, the storms often appear out of nowhere - you can see huge, dark clouds rolling in from the sea and then, in a blink of an eye, the skies have opened and Mother Nature is showing what's she is made of ! I love and fear thunder at the same time...but I LOVE rainbows, and these often appear in the sky after the storms. One day last week it was raining and thundering and the sun was out simultaneously - you can imagine what a gorgeous rainbow that created ! Like I've said before, there's no way my crappy camera can make justice to these colors..but with a little touch-up the image looks closer to the original view. Just beautiful.

Ooops, sorry, no - it is Jared Leto !

Pic from Daily Mail

While I doubt that this guy could actually ever look bad, I'm not really fan of his Jesus hair (facial hair included). I guess it's a taste thing as I've never quite liked men with really long hair in general. Well, not longer than mine anyway. Even having been a huge fan of those 80's rock bands and acknowledging that guys like David Coverdale and Jon Bonjovi and Joey Tempest had "great hair", it was great hair in my opinion in the sense that I wouldn't have minded having that thick lioness fur-ish hair myself...you know, as a chick.

Anyhoo, Jared Leto. You can't say he's not courageous...dude has seen more hair styles than the average woman, or what do you think ?

Blue hair I don't care !

Plus, how is it possible that he's approaching his mid 40's looking like a baby, regardless of his hair ? Gosh, I remember back in the nineties when he was in My So Called Life- that was twenty years ago ! Since then, I've been a fan - not only is he a great actor, but he has a killer voice and is pretty succesful with his band 30 Seconds to Mars. I was lucky enough to see them play once, and almost lost my marbles when Mr Leto decided to jump off the stage and ran directly to where my friend and I were standing in the audience. I literally could have reached my hand out and touched him when he ran past us - handsome as ever - although surprisingly short...I'm 5'4" and he wasn't much taller. Oh well, I guess you can't have everything - he certainly has been blessed with much :)

My favorite style

In the light of recent loss & suicide of Robin Williams...


Having lost a cousin, a second cousin, my younger brother and my mom to suicide I am super sensitive to people who judge humans who end their own lives.

How could he do that to his family ? What a selfish person to take the easy way out ! I would never, ever, ever kill myself no matter how hard things get ! It is never too late to ask help ! What a coward ! I have no respect for anyone who commits suicide !

For all the frustration one sometimes builds up hearing ignorant people make ignorant comments about how life's obstacles really can be overcome with sheer determination and a positive attitude, there are also these genius moments when someone says just the right thing and you remember that there is understanding and compassion out there...and not everyone is judgmental.

I, personally, also have to remind myself from time to time that ignorance does not equal to being intentionally mean  - I understand that if a person has lived a relatively "normal" life and hasn't had his/her world shaken up with repetitive trauma, it is natural for that person to base their opinions and judgments on their own personal experiences in life - not mine, not anyone else's. I am no different myself in an opposite way: having no experience of a life without repetitive trauma, it is sometimes difficult for me to grasp the idea of a life where no such things have taken place. I guess it's all about trying to understand each other and how different each life can be.

I've stolen these following paragraphs from Rockygrace's blog (thanks buddy !) as I believe I've never actually seen suicide explained in such fitting manner. I don't have many readers on this relatively new blog of mine, but if I could share one thing and hope that it awakens understanding in someone towards the reasoning behind suicide...this would be it.

A severely depressed person who commits suicide has made a decision in the same manner that a person in a burning building decides to jump out a window. It seems like the only way to escape the horror.

- David Foster Wallace

Tämä jatkuva kuumuus, nämä ylitsepääsemättömät velat, tämä työttömyys, tämä helvetin yksinäisyys. 

Joskus ei vain jaksa tsempata - joskus tulee näitä päiviä, jolloin hädintuskin saat itsesi kammettua sängystä ylös, vain palataksesi sinne aamupalan jälkeen. Päiviä, jolloin seuraat kellon viisareita aamukymmenestä saakka odottaen sitä hetkeä, kun päivä kääntyy illaksi ja ilta yöksi, ja saat taas palata pimenevässä hetkessä sänkyysi. 

Joskus sitä miettii, mikä kaiken tämän tarkoitus on - miksi pitäisi jaksaa ja tsempata, minkä tähden ? Olethan terve...olethan sentään elossa...elämä pitää ottaa lahjana...jollain toisella asiat ovat vielä huonommin...

Joskus ei vain jaksa. 

Minä odotan iltaa ja yötä. Minä odotan sitä hetkeä, kun tämä ainainen estejuoksu viimein tekee käännöksen viimeiseen kaarteeseen ja ylitän jonkun kosmisen maaliviivan läpäistyäni nämä esteet ja haasteet joita tämän reitin varrella on tauotta. 

Minä makaan aloillani, liikkumatta, ja tunnen viileän yötuulen kasvoillani. Se kuiskaa korvaani lupauksia...kyllä sinä vielä jaksat.....tällä kaikella on tarkoituksensa, tämä päättyy vielä hyvin....

Ja minä päätän vielä jaksaa. 

Do you know what is the worst feeling ? Living through the hottest July and August ever in an apartment that heats up like a sauna in the sun -- so you keep your windows and balcony door open day and night in order to get in some cooler breezes....but instead end up with cigarette smoke from a neighbor who smokes at least once in every 30 minutes on his balcony. Closing windows is not an option because lemme tell ya, the heat is unbearable...so for the past 6-8 weeks I've been experiencing light headaches and nausea every time my little home fills in with smoke. I don't know which is worst, the smoke creeping in and filling your bedroom at night when you are in your bed trying to sleep...or the continuous stream of smoke that finds its way in a dozen times during the day (when you are indoors, that is) and sort of interrupts whatever you're doing because you feel sick to your stomach.

Now I'm an ex-smoker myself so I can't judge smokers without being a complete hypocrite - I know how relaxing it can be to sit out on your balcony and smoke a ciggie. In fact, it can be wonderful. But, after this summer, I swear that if I ever smoke a random cigarette myself, I will never ever do so on my balcony. It's one of those things that totally turn your home into a place that doesn't feel comfortable anymore....and I'd hate myself for doing that to someone else just to get my nicotine fix....after all, why not just take the elevator down and smoke outside away from the building, huh ?

At some point there was a public discussion in Finland about possibly banning smoking on balconies and I thought that was ABSURD - I mean c'mon, what next ? Now though I would clap my hands in delight should such law be applied. Or, in the least I think building societies should be able to make that decision for themselves - maybe that way there could be smoke free buildings or we could somehow divide buildings to smoking and non-smoking sections. I don't know, really. All I know is that I am sick of the smoke after this summer. Yuck.

I have a good feeling about August - we are still experiencing scorching hot weather here in Finland and I'm back to being my "summer bunny" myself --> enjoying it while it lasts....I've returned to my local beach for late July rays and am planning on taking advantage of the August sun as well. At the same time, I am ready for autumn.  Have a lovely month of August !

Elokuu alkaa hyvissä fiiliksissä - helteet jatkuvat, liikuntainto kasvaa kasvamistaan, jostain kumman syystä kaikki tuntuu oikeastaan aika hyvältä....ja syksyn tulokaan ei masenna, mitä ihmettä ? Ihanaa elokuuta toivottaen...